My sweet Tac,
You will never believe this, but I met the Crown Prince AND the King. Well. Actually the Prince hired us to kill the king. Pretty fucked up, right? Dude wants us to off his own dad? What am I supposed to do, though, he’s the prince.
I was pretty loyal to the king, though, so I thought “I’d better warn the king, he’ll probably have to throw the prince in jail, maybe me too, but I can’t just let the king die like that”
So that’s what I tried to do. I walked into the king’s throne room unarmed and tried to tell him the whole story. The fucker told his guards to kill me!! They damn near did, too, but you know me. I’m pretty tough, so I held on and the naiad (Jackie) eventually healed me. So I tried to cast a spell at the king. He tried to kill me, you know, so I figured I didn’t owe him any loyalty anymore. Fired off the biggest spell I could stretch, unfortunately it backfired on me. A lot of awful things happened in the course of the next few moments. I played chess with death. I cheated at chess with death. The creepy girl (Kellie) helped me. She’s all right. I made all the King’s hair grow almost a whole foot! It was a very surreal experience, almost like that time we accidentally ate the wrong mushrooms. Then… Well, then… my mind broke. It literally broke. I was completely out of it. I don’t know how long it lasted, but when it ended the core of my being was tingling and I couldn’t stop touching myself. It was awful and incredible all at once. I managed to summon the last of my will to cast one more spell, which ended the king once and for all. I awoke some time later in my wagon heading for the tower so we could take some time and get my head straightened out.
I have sworn that no one will touch me like that again until you and I share a wedding bed, if you will still have me.